The unexpected side-effect of military and genealogy research.
When people hire a military researcher like me, or take one of my classes, they are usually searching for facts, or they want to write a book about their veteran. What many walk away with, whether they hire me, or take a class, or not, is often surprising to both of us.
Many times, potential clients or students are trying to flesh out a family secret or understand why their father came home a different person than the one who went to war. Their questions often begin with, where did my father, uncle or grandfather serve? Where and how did my father die in combat? What happened to my grandfather who is still Missing In Action? Some come to me asking for casualty information, photographs, or context to fill in some gaps. Others need the full reconstruction of service even with an unburned Official Military Personnel File because that one file is never the full story because it is full of puzzle pieces. Often, people come to me with partially completed military histories in preparation to write a book. These individuals always have a multitude of questions and information to share in our phone consult or in a class.
The military research or the act of writing a book is so much more than just adding some family letters or a few military facts to a Word document or a family tree. This work can change lives, bring closure and peace, and create deep healing. For the client, the student, and me.
The Gift of the Phone Consultation, Project, or Class
Over the last 16 years I’ve had the honor of researching many veterans for family members and also teach the strategy I created so others can find answers, even if the records burned. In the beginning, clients showed up seeking just the facts but by 2017 and moving forward, a different kind of client appeared. One who needed more than answers.
We absolutely need researchers who only copy records for clients. But as humanity’s consciousness is rising and more people are thinking about war and inherited trauma, a military researcher who is empathic, intuitive, trauma-informed, and holds space for clients and students to ask questions and process the information is more of what the world needs right now. Family members of veterans from all wars are asking for more of this type of researcher.
Then…
Many years ago I worked on a client project that began with finding out how the oldest brother of the client died in World War II. The records we obtained, which included the Individual Deceased Personnel File, set off a range of strong emotions and a lot of anger in the client because of the family dynamics that existed prior to and after the war. Understanding the rules during the war, how the records were created and the information they contain, I was able to help the client understand and process his anger to some extent. This led to two additional projects which included one on his father so he could understand what made him who he was and another on the second oldest brother who also served in the Army in World War II and came home with severe PTSD. In the end this client processed and healed a lot of his own pain and that of his lineage.
I worked with another client whose father was on hospice and had served on a bomb crew during World War II. The client wanted to fill in the gaps on his father’s service and what we uncovered changed him. A couple weeks after the project was complete, I was about to return to the Netherlands to see my (now late) Dutch husband, and the client had a request. Would I write a eulogy for when his dad passed, to be read at the military funeral? He wanted just a paragraph about his service. That didn’t feel quite right so in the end, I wrote him two pages to highlight his early life, his service, and a little about the rest of his life. It was exactly what the client needed when his dad passed just after I got to Europe.
Both of those project healed not only the clients but me. Those clients gave me a great gift of taking my work far beyond just getting records and providing some answers. This happened to align with a deeper awakening and healing journey on my part as well. Everything is connected.
Now…
More recently I have spoken with several men in their late 70s who want to write books about their father’s World War II service. I review what they have done so far and we discuss in the phone consult what needs to be done before I can start writing for them and we publish. This includes my invitation that they have a chapter or two about their father’s post-war life. I also invite them to write about how he dealt with his war trauma and how that impacted the family. From there, the conversations always open up into questions, stories about their dad (positive and negative) and the need for answers.
Most people have never considered writing about the post-war life. We have been so conditioned to believe that everything happened to a veteran within the container of military service dates. We were taught to never ask questions and the veterans were told not to speak. This created a lot of pain for the veteran, his or her family, and of course the generations that followed.
Now here’s where I had a new awareness this week. I’ve had probably 5-6 potential book client calls the last two weeks. In a couple cases the potential clients were shocked I suggested writing about the post-war life and the impact. This was not something they had ever thought about. Both said they needed time to think about this before proceeding. So, no new book projects from these individuals right now.
That’s ok, you know why? They began speaking with family members who may not be around much longer. This has opened space to not only get more information from living family members about the veteran but to also invite some closure, release of emotions, and healing to arrive.
As a professional researcher and writer, I do like having a steady stream of clients as do all professionals, but sometimes… Sometimes you have to be ok with letting a potential client have space to process and heal. That is a huge gift for me as one who invites clients to go deeper and also to the client and the family to share information, memories, and perhaps some laughter before they start a project.
Will these potential book clients return or will they work with someone else or just give up the project? I have no answers. All I know is that change is happening for them so maybe that was my only “job” right now. And that is beautiful.
This is Not Therapy
As military records begin to shape a more complete story and fill in some gaps for the client or student, many discover something they never expected. The research or book begin to provide context for family beliefs, behaviors and patterns. The research may define family dynamics and relationships or those long-held silences that shaped the family and generations since the war.
I can say from personal experience the military work will dredge up long buried emotions, emotions without context, family beliefs and patterns, and shift the way you exist in relationships. It is deep soul work. Years ago I chose to work with energy and ancestral healers as a way to take care of myself. Some people require something different. Military or genealogy research should not replace seeking out a professional therapist if the emotions are too much.
That said – a few of my students who have been in therapy a long time are telling me the tools I teach, the space I hold, the questions I invite them to sit with, are helping them process and shift faster than years of therapy.
Everyone is different. Choose the path and the professionals that you need and don’t be afraid to try something new if what you were doing is no longer working. Tools are not meant to work forever as we continue to shift, grow, and release. New tools, ways of being and processing and helpers will show up.
The Great Discoveries
For many of my clients and students, the greatest discovery they often make is not through a single document or family story. It’s by doing the inner work, asking new questions, looking at the research, their veteran, their family and themselves through a different lens.
Learning about the battles someone fought and live through, the losses of friends they may have witnessed, the wounds they received, and the impossible choices which had to be made will transform the client or student regardless of their beliefs.
I’ve seen clients go from angry and upset to feeling guilt and shame for being upset with their father, once they understand the context of his service. Anger softens into empathy and other emotions have to be processed.
Family secrets and stories may finally make sense or be proven untrue. In that space comes understanding of why a veteran or family told those stories or kept the secrets. These fragments are then integrated into the family and healing happens.
Every family’s journey through the military and genealogy records is different but when we can acknowledge the lasting impact of war and do the research and inner work – our lives change. I’m living proof of this.
Isn’t it time to acknowledge the lasting impact of war on the veteran, family and generations that followed? Isn’t it time to dive deeper into their sacrifices and release the old emotions we carry that disrupt our lives in ways we may not understand? Isn’t it time to recognize the resilience of those who came before us and start preserving a legacy rooted in sacrifice, understanding, resilience, and love?
Would You Like to Learn More?
Join my newsletter list at my online course site and grab a free copy of my new PDF The Research Roadmap. This will guide you through the information you need to start a project and which classes to take to move your research forward.
If you would like to learn how to research, click here to see upcoming small group coaching sessions to learn how to use Fold3, NARA Catalog, research Army, Army Air Force, Marine Corps, Merchant Marine, Coast Guard or Navy service, find POW records, and more. These sessions come with extensive workbooks, plenty of Q&A for attendees, my 2-part research strategy and the replay. Need a researcher? I am taking research and book clients – email jennifer@ancestralsouls.com to set up a free consult to discuss your project.
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