Journal

Context is vital in family history research and personal and ancestral healing

I’ve observed since 2020 and more in the last couple of years, that people very easily get offended and upset. There is little to no thought that goes into why they feel these things – it’s simply a reaction to whatever in their reality has triggered them. Someone gets upset and angry, lashes out over whatever they saw on the news or social media or heard a family member say, and then they react. They start blocking you on social media because your light triggers their shadows.

We have all done it. Reacted. Blocked. Gone silent.

But we have a choice to not do it if we understand some context. When we begin exploring family history—especially stories connected to war, immigration, poverty, abuse, addiction, or long-held beliefs—and we do our inner work and also heal our ancestors — we often expect facts. What we encounter instead are emotions.

Emotions we should feel and take time with, not simply react. Although if we’ve been programmed since birth to just react without thinking – well it’s easy to see why much of humanity runs on emotion without thought.

Now, I realize if you continue reading this article, I may trigger you. You’ll stop reading and go about your day. You might lash out at me. Or maybe you will stop, breathe, and continue to see what I have to say about all this and how it relates to genealogy and personal and ancestral healing. In that space, personal growth can happen. It’s all a choice. Just remember – your response shows you exactly where you are functioning from. And there is always something to learn from that space as well.

Speaking without Context

Recently in a program I was teaching, I used the phrase ‘committed suicide.’ Someone responded with something like – That’s judgmental and sounds as if the person committed a crime. It’s not right to speak like this or say it that way. We know today this is a mental health issue.

Ok – right there – do you see it? No context to this personal belief.

Was I upset about this response? No. I understood where it came from and why someone would have this belief and perspective. That’s fine – that is their belief.

I grew up hearing the phrase ‘committed suicide.’ While people may use a different phrase today, the fact is, throughout the course of history, suicide was a crime and a sin.

Look at religious history and the fact that if someone died by suicide, they weren’t allowed to be buried in a church cemetery. Prior to maybe the mid-1900s, mental health wasn’t really discussed in large circles or society as a whole. It was something shameful and horrible. So prior to this time period, we didn’t know it was a mental health issue.

When we talk about or write history of a certain time period (in this case of suicide it was 1924), it’s normally ok to use words from the time. Of course there are certain words from history that we have all silently agree to not use, but overall, when we put “outdated” words into context, it’s historically appropriate.

History itself and family history are not just information. They shape identity, beliefs, behaviors, and family/individual patterns. This is why context is so important. We need to understand the times in which someone lived to better understand their choices, lives, traumas, beliefs, behaviors, and patterns. Understanding this helps us know how we were programmed since birth into never questioning our family beliefs, behaviors, and patterns.

Why Offense and Anger Feel Easier Than Context

When someone uncovers that a grandfather struggled after World War II, or that an ancestor participated in systems shaped by slavery, colonization, or discrimination, the discovery can feel personal. Even if the event happened generations ago, it can trigger shame, anger, grief, or defensiveness in the present.

This is where much of humanity functions from today which is one reason we have so much division, anger, hate, and people taking offense to everything today. Yes, these unprocessed events, emotions, and traumas are passed down through the DNA, but we have a choice on how to react or respond. Often choices our ancestors didn’t have.

Getting offended is often a protection mechanism. It allows someone to:

• Defend the family narrative they were raised with (programmed to never question)
• Defend the history they were raised with
• Avoid confronting painful truths
• Protect loyalty to parents or grandparents or others
• Keep long-held beliefs intact
• Not grow and change because growth is uncomfortable and pushes us into a new, sometimes scary space
• Allows us to not be different from those in our family or friend groups

Looking at historical context requires something much harder: emotional maturity and nervous system regulation.

The Nervous System’s Role

When family stories, history, or the daily news challenge our identity and long-held family beliefs, the body can interpret the information as a threat. Cognitive dissonance can set in. The fight-or-flight response activates. Instead of curiosity, we feel:

• Anger
• Denial
• Blame
• Justification
• Confusion

Offense becomes a shield. It creates distance between “who I believe we are” and “what the records show.” But historical context isn’t about excusing behavior. It is about understanding environment and unprocessed emotions.

A man returning home from Vietnam War may have carried unspoken trauma into his marriage and parenting. A grandmother shaped by the Great Depression may have developed scarcity behaviors that affected her children and grandchildren. A great grandmother shaped by multiple child losses may have become quietly angry, emotionally detached, and passed these emotional issues down to her children and grandchildren. An ancestor that emigrated from Europe during a bloody time in history for a better life may pass down political beliefs that still shape their descendants today, even without knowing why.

Without context, these patterns look like personal failings. With context, they become adaptive responses to extreme circumstances.

Loyalty and Family Myth

Many families carry unspoken agreements:

• “We don’t talk about that.”
• “That’s just how he was.”
• “It’s shameful to talk about…”
• “We have to keep the secrets about the [abuse, violence, alcoholism, mental health, suicide, job loss, financial issues…’]”
• “She did the best she could.”
• “We always voted this way.”
• “We always held these religious beliefs.”
• “We moved far away because [insert family lie]”

When someone begins asking deeper questions, or starts investigating the family history and uncovers the secrets, it can feel like betrayal. Offense can be a way of protecting family mythology. Yet examining context does not dishonor ancestors. It humanizes them.

When we step out of judgment and ask, ‘What choices did my ancestor have before they made THIS one I am offended by / judging / upset by….”, everything can change. Our eyes and hearts can open to a new world of possibilities about who our ancestors were and who we are today. It may even help use interact in a healthier way with those in our reality.

When we explore the context, the events that shaped who our ancestors (and friends) became, we begin to see our them and ourselves in a different light. We realize we carry many of these same patterns, beliefs, emotions, behaviors, and traumas. But there is a way out. There is a way to heal ourselves and change our lives and at the same time – impact our ancestors and all of humanity.

Context Creates Compassion

Historical awareness widens perspective. It asks:

• What systems were operating at that time?
• What historical events took place that shaped this ancestor?
• What personal events took place that shaped this ancestor?
• What propaganda and programming were being spread at that time to manipulate and control?
• What options and choices did this person realistically have?
• What trauma was normalized?
• What emotions were made to be hidden?
• What cultural expectations shaped their behavior?
• What had to be hidden because – society, family, religion, politics, community – said so?
• How much fear was instilled into an ancestor to make them who they were?

Context does not remove responsibility, but it shifts the lens from judgment to understanding. When we have context we can rewrite the story with explanations. We stop judging and start working through the layers of emotion we feel. We transform.

Understanding is powerful. It allows descendants to say:
“This behavior makes sense given what they lived through.”
“And I choose differently now.”

The Invitation

Getting offended is often easier because it protects identity and loyalty. Looking at historical context requires courage. It asks us to sit with discomfort, emotions, and complexity. It asks us to change our beliefs, behaviors, patterns, relationships, and more.

I can say from personal experience in decades of healing, that when we choose something different and stop being upset and offended by everything and everyone – we all everyone. Even our family who doesn’t know we are doing this inner work and research. The change energetically ripples out to the masses.

When we choose context over offense, we gain something greater than a cleaner family narrative. We gain clarity, compassion, and the ability to stop repeating what was never consciously examined.

Are you ready to start exploring your family beliefs, behaviors, patterns, and traumas and change the narrative? Change yourself? If so, check out the STORE at the Ancestral Souls Wisdom School. I’m now offering military programs and have relaunched old and new genealogy, family patterns and ancestral healing classes. I also offer private coaching sessions to help you more clearly see your family research.

These programs will invite you to dig deeper into your family history. Step off the paper trail to see what’s not written down that shaped who you became. To go within and do that energetic or spiritual work to release these outdated beliefs, behaviors, and patterns. I promise, this work isn’t easy but it will change everything.

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