The longer I continue on my spiritual journey, the more I heal, and the more aware I become. Being an empath, I tend to pick up everything from everyone and everywhere. I’ve been told and read many times, that healing is like a spiral. We start at one spot, one event, one moment in time, and work through and release some pain. This could be from a past life or this life.
Then we spiral around the staircase, choose another path – right or left – and something else appears in our lives that trigger something else. I often wonder in these moments, ‘Didn’t I already heal that?’ Then usually I realize it is a deeper issue than what I previously healed. Often I’ve healed something related to the issue that keeps appearing as a distraction to keep me from dealing with the actual deeper, more painful issue that arrives.
Then there are times when I wonder, what happened to me that I could handle something in the past and now it triggers terrible things in my body and soul. I had an experience like this in London last week.
Imperial War Museum – Holocaust Exhibit – 8 June 2017
Johan and I went to the Imperial War Museum in London on 8 June 2017. We had a short visit in London and since I had never been there, Johan showed me a lot of things as we walked and walked. I have a better idea of what I want to see when we return in the fall. The only place we actually entered to spend time was the IWM London before we left the city to go to Canterbury. The museum is incredible with a lot of great artifacts from World War I and World War II. Even some things coming more to the present day, though we chose not to tour those areas. Our focus is World War I and World War II and we had limited time.
Near the end of our visit there was one area I still wanted to see. The Holocaust floor. Johan chose not to walk through since he had seen it, so I went alone. That was fine because sometimes I prefer to be alone when viewing certain things related to war. Having been to Dachau in 2015 and not having a massive triggered panic/anxiety attack there, I thought I would be fine in this exhibit. I know a lot about the Holocaust. I’ve channeled some of the victims in my writing. I’ve seen other exhibits and even been in a camp. Why should this exhibit cause any issues for me? Yet, it did.
It is important to note, no photographs were allowed in the exhibit. I’m not sure why this is the policy as I would think people should know more about the Holocaust, but that is the policy at IWM.
Moving through the initial floor of the two in which the exhibit was held, I saw the history of Europe and Hitler that led up to World War II and the formation of the camps. I was fine through this part and knew a lot of this history. I continued on past a group of noisy school children and walked downstairs to the second part of the exhibit.
At the beginning of this floor was a cattle car used to transport people to the camps. Something said to touch it, so I did. I’m able to pick up things from photographs, objects, nature, etc. At that point I became aware of a flood of things, including so many emotions from people connected to this car and the Holocaust. I had already shielded myself so I wouldn’t pick up everything I encountered in the museum, but it wasn’t enough. I began to feel panicked, anxious, nauseous, and generally ill. Moving on and using all the Access Consciousness tools I could, I still could not Return To Sender, all the things being thrown on me. I still felt uncomfortable and on the verge of what some may call a panic attack.
Seeing the striped uniforms and piles and piles of shoes did not help the rising panic, nausea, and anxiety flooding my system. I had to get out of there as quickly as possible.
It took several minutes after I left the exhibit before I felt relatively normal again and had convinced my soul not to flee. I hate these moments when I pick up so much my soul wishes it could leave my body and I want to jump around to keep it in there and release the energy. I hate those moments that panic sets in and it isn’t even mine, but I absorb it and no amount of Return To Sender gets rid of it.
This makes me wonder, why was I able two years ago to move through Dachau on the 70th Anniversary of the liberation of the camp without these intense feelings and not move through this exhibit the same way?
They say healing comes in spirals. What was unleashed since my visit to Dachau in my soul? In the world? Am I THAT much more aware and conscious now than then? Yes. Have I claimed more of my empathic and healing abilities. Yes. Do the dead seek me out because they know I will help? Yes.
So the question I must now answer for myself is, how do I best protect myself from all of this and not get lost, while still healing myself and the world? How do I best travel through these places and moments in time so I can educate the world and not lose my soul? Spiral…..spiral……spiral……..
Have you experienced these things in your travels? As a healer, how do you handle all the things you become aware of?
© 2017 World War II Research and Writing Center
There is so much happening on this trip to Europe that I’m struggling a bit to keep up and document it all. As I write this, we just returned from 10 days in England. It was my first time there and so much happened. More on that in a future post. For now, let’s return to Friday, 26 May 2017, when we drove from Amsterdam to Thirimont, Belgium to be in the town where a client’s brother was Killed In Action (KIA) on 13 January 1945.
We kept driving and later stopped in Aubel, Belgium to photograph the 30th Division Monument there. It is a tall monument with flags on either side. This is not far from Henri-Chapelle cemetery.
Wednesday was a really fun day because I got to go to ‘s-Hertogenbosch (Den Bosch) to spend time with my sister in-law. Den Bosch is my favorite city in the Netherlands. It has Sint-Jan Cathedral, which I visit every time I am in the city. There is such peace there. I love the stained glass, smell of incense, lighting a candle for Mother Mary in the back of the church and, when it is open, walking through the back of the cathedral to see the niches for different saints. I was lucky that this time the back of the church was open. I was in Den Bosch four other times and only one of those visits was the back open.
Sunday we went to Amsterdam for a bit of shopping, lunch, and wandering. I wanted to stop in the P.W. Akkerman Fountain Pen shop in Amsterdam since we were unable to go to the P.W. Akkerman we prefer in 
Before we drove home we stopped at the Begijnhof to take a short walk. It was very crowded and noisy there as lots of tour groups had come out since it was a beautiful day. Johan took me there last year over the winter when it was very quiet. Usually it is a place of peace and quiet and you don’t hear the city noise once you are in the courtyard.
