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Remembering James 11 January 1945

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73 years ago today, my cousin James Privoznik was Killed In Action near Bras, Belgium, during the Battle of the Bulge. Today I think about him, as I do most days, but especially on the anniversary of his death.

James appeared in my life in 2012 and remained with me until 2016. During those years, he assisted in several areas of my life, including the reshaping of my business, as I moved from doing only genealogy, to focusing on WWII research. Together we traveled to Europe twice in 2015. The first trip was dedicated to walking in his footsteps, flying his final burial flag at Luxembourg Cemetery where he sleeps, and walking in the woods where he was killed. The second trip was more for me, to move through some things and create something new in life. He was with me every step of the way.

Is it possible to love someone you’ve never met in this life? I think so. The love felt went both ways, but as all things go, there always comes an end.

One of James’ last acts of love for me during the years he was part of my life, was to take part in me meeting my  husband. After that, it wasn’t long before he asked to be released and sent to the light. He had helped me create a military business and open up to my healing abilities. He also completed what he needed to, so he could leave this place. While I was sad to see him go, I knew our time together was finished and he had done everything he need to do, sometimes with my help.

Today it is not with tears I remember James, but love, happiness, and a smile. I’m so grateful for everything he did to help me in the time we were together.

Would you like to learn a little more about James’s life? You can read my article on Identifying those Unidentified Photos.

Would you like to read James’ story? You can find it in my book, Stories of the Lost, available in Paperback or Kindle.

© 2018 World War II Research and Writing Center

Military Monday – Remembering Jimmy

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StoriesofLostimage
James Privoznik standing front right.

71 years ago today, 11 January, my cousin James Privoznik, affectionately referred to by the family as Jimmy, was Killed In Action during the Battle of the Bulge. If you have read my October European trip articles, you know a little about James.

To me, he is James, not Jimmy. My friend, and guide in life, love, and work the last three and a half years. Some say the dead do not speak. I believe they do. And as I sit here on 9 January and write this post, it is snowing, just as it was during James’ last days on earth.

James in uniform cropped

James taught me a lot about WWII research, writing, believing in myself, collaborating with others, letting go, and healing. He helped me become a better writer on 14 March 2013 when he whispered in my ear to go write a new introduction to one of my WWII programs I was to give that night. I went home and within 45 minutes had a new introduction that had my audience in tears and held their complete attention. I was set on a path to write about WWII in a much deeper way than most. My writing changed dramatically that day and I will forever be grateful.

I have been able to count on James to show up when I lectured, was writing, needed some inspiration, needed to laugh at myself, or in those moments I felt very lonely……that I was very much loved. He not only helped save our country and freedoms so long ago, but he also helped save me. Sometimes we all just need a little help.

My journey with James began in late 2012 just after I moved out and started a new life. I had his Individual Deceased Personnel File and filed it away. I had not intended to write the books I did about my military family members and therefore had not investigated James’ service. Until within a weekend, four different encounters with people asking about him happened. Then the work began. I was shown a path to take with many detours and a lot of emotional stops and starts. This path allowed me to create things which would help a lot of people remember our soldiers and civilians and what they experienced during the war years.

Luxembourg James Flag (77)

I wrote James’ story in my book Stories of the Lost. He is also featured in my WWII lecture of the same name. In May 2015 I visited his grave in Luxembourg Cemetery. James wanted to be buried where he fell and not brought home to Chicago. On a rainy day my parents and I flew his burial flag at the cemetery and I visited his grave for the first time. It was a sad morning which led to a lot of healing for both of us.

James Footsteps Woods KIA (47)

The next day, 2 May, I was able to meet friends in Luxembourg who took us where James was killed. I walked in the woods among all those who were there that day. That was a very moving experience for me because you could almost see the soldiers in the woods and I definitely felt their presence.

In October 2015 I returned to Europe and once again visited James’ grave in Luxembourg. This was not a stop I originally intended to make, but due to other circumstances, the opportunity was there. It was a gloomy morning as I drove to meet a couple of researchers in Ettelbruck, Luxembourg to embark on a day of Sauer River Crossing sites. Yet, when we drove to the cemetery and after meeting with the Superintendent, the skies began to clear and rays of sunshine fell upon the cemetery as we walked to James’ grave. No longer was visiting the cemetery sad, but a more joyous occasion because I could feel the love there and how much it was appreciated that we visited.

Talking to James. Photo by Doug Mitchell. Used with permission.
Talking to James. Photo by Doug Mitchell. Used with permission.

James and I had a long talk when I visited him this time and only a few tears were shed. There was great peace.

It has been my experience that our family members show up to help us when we need them most. I believe they have some unfinished business and are also here to make sure we do what we are supposed to. Whether that is fulfill our life’s purpose on this earth or forgive someone or let go of something we no longer need so we can be happier. James has helped me do all of that.

And, just as he made sure I visited his grave twice and had two different experiences – sad and unsettled, to happy and peaceful – I have a feeling he is also rescripting the day he died, so for me, it moves from one of sad reflection to one of joy. Something will take place today that may be the final thing he was to do before he moved on. While I will miss him if this is the case, I will tell him once again I love him and let him go. I know who and what is coming is a long held wish granted and there is no reason to be sad.

Thank you James for everything.

© 2016 Jennifer Holik

 

Traveling in their Footsteps – 15 October 2015 part 2

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Did you catch Part 1 of my day in Luxembourg on 15 October? If not, you should read that first so the rest of the day and the Sauer River crossing makes sense.

As I write this post I have to tell you, the guys buried in Luxembourg are planning something else for me. I had not intended to go visit them again in May but it seems I will. A new soldier, who I am fairly certain I must have walked past at the cemetery when I visited other graves near his, has taken up residence in my house. Pvt. Charles P. Becker, KIA 10 January 1945 (a day before my James) and who was part of F Company 328th Infantry Regiment 26th Infantry Division. I’m currently waiting to receive his IDPF and Morning Reports. If I’m lucky, his OMPF also. You’ll have to come back to my blog late May to see how that turns out!

Paul Gurgone Oct 1944 Camp Blanding, FL. Photo courtesy Ron Santilli.
Paul Gurgone Oct 1944 Camp Blanding, FL. Photo courtesy Ron Santilli.

Now, back to our Journey to the Sauer River Crossing sites and the death of Paul Gurgone. Sometimes the dead return to help provide answers or closure to someone they loved. I believe Paul showed up to help bring closure to some members of his family who always wondered if it was really him who was repatriated after the war. Through the research into his death and the documentation that showed how he was identified, he and I were able to do that. Paul was also about to bring his experience and that of men who attempted the river crossing, to me so I could on some level, experience it and then write about it.

It is one thing to read about WWII and battles. Another thing to do in-depth research into the lives of these men and their deaths. It is a complete other thing to go stand where they fought and died and attempt to absorb it. The Sauer River Crossing sites were mind boggling. If you read the histories, you’ll learn that after the harsh, terrible, frozen winter the men experienced, the snows in the mountains began to thaw quickly due to an early warm-up.

As the snows melted in the mountains, the water flowed into the streams and rivers and caused flooding. In Luxembourg where the men were stationed, the meadows were melting and turning into swampy mudpits. The Sauer River rose and flooded the surrounding areas. Rivers were wider, deeper, and had a fast flow. That’s what we read.

As I stood in various locations at the crossing sites, looking at them from high above on a ridge, from a meadow, or a bridge over the river, I still had trouble wrapping my mind around just HOW wide, deep, and fast the river was flowing. I took my journal with me everywhere on this trip and I had to sketch out what the area between ridges would have resembled during the crossings. The photos I took do not capture this as well as I’d like. You really must stand there and experience it.

The photos here show Tom and I looking out over the ridge to the river. He’s explaining what the men were doing. We were standing on the American side. Across from us, Tom pointed out areas where the Germans had their guns placed. You could feel the energy of the soldiers there, on both sides, waiting. Some asked for forgiveness, some just wanted to go home in peace. They still roam those hills.

Tom Scholtes and I looking over the battle area. Photo by Doug Michell. Used with permission.
Tom Scholtes and I looking over the battle area. Photo by Doug Michell. Used with permission.

Sauer River at Ridge Looking at German side (9)
Sauer River at Ridge Looking at German side

Sauer River at Ridge Looking at German side
Sauer River at Ridge Looking at German side

 

Getting the boats. Photo courtesy Tom Scholtes.
Getting the boats. Photo courtesy Tom Scholtes.

Now, to get to the river, the men had to move boats down from the top of the ridge where they were stationed in meadows near farm houses. The roads were steep and I couldn’t believe it when we drove down one and then made it back up. How did our troops manage this in inches deep mud when I was honestly a little concerned that we were driving on slightly wet leaves and a solid ground?! Once they managed to get to the meadow below, there was little to no cover. They had to make it to the river, which had flooded its banks and made them even more exposed to the well-aimed German guns. Few made it across. Many died. Some were never recovered. Some floated so far they ended up in other rivers far from where they actually died.

This brings up a good point when we talk about research. We should never take the word of one record to tell a story. The IDPF may say a soldier was found (probably KIA) near one area, when he actually died in another. Always look for other sources and check the histories.

Later I stood at another crossing site, first on the meadow then the bridge. I walked across into Germany to look at a pillbox. When you look at these photos, imagine the river flowing over the bank to the footpath. What is difficult to see here is the steep slope from the path to the river. The view from here was wide, deep and fast in 1945. Again, the men were exposed and fought under incredible odds.

Echternacht crossing site.
Echternacht crossing site.

Echternacht crossing site.
Echternacht crossing site.

Tom and Doug took me to several other places that day, but the cemetery and river crossing sites were the most impactful. The soldiers gave me a new perspective on their stories. One I5th Division Monument (2) am supposed to share with the world. Their stories are not just about one document or photograph, but a collection of sources and perspectives. Often we view war or conflict from only one angle. In reality, we should view it from all sides so we have a complete picture. Then we have more information which allows us to heal ourselves, them, and the world. Tell the stories of your soldiers, but consider all sides when you do.

Next to this river crossing was a monument to the 5th Division. We are forever grateful for your sacrifices.

Our day ended with coffee and more talk about the history of various divisions and the battles fought. I hope to meet up with Doug and Tom again in 2016 to hear more of their stories. Only this time I’ll bring my digital recorder and video camera so we can all experience a little bit of what happened.

I returned to Hotel Melba in Bastogne, enjoyed a beer before dinner, and wrote my thoughts about the day. The day was incredible and the lessons provided were true blessings.

© 2015 Jennifer Holik

Traveling in their Footsteps – 15 October 2015 part 1

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Paul Gurgone, 5th Infantry Division KIA 7 Feb 1945. Photo courtesy Ron Santilli.
Paul Gurgone, 5th Infantry Division KIA 7 Feb 1945. Photo courtesy Ron Santilli.

Some days on my trip were very long, not in a bad way, just that a lot happened. 15 October was one of those days. Less than two weeks before I left for Europe, I stopped in Starbucks one morning to grab coffee and breakfast. I had been up since 4 a.m. working and needed a break. A man named Ron, a regular there, stopped me to chat and asked what I did because I did not have my laptop with me. Usually I go there to work. When I told him, he told me about his uncle Paul Gurgone who was Killed In Action (KIA) at the Sauer River Crossing in Luxembourg on 7 February 1945. He gave me a little information about Paul and I went home to do some research for him.

I requested Paul’s IDPF and received it within an hour. The soldiers are always helping me with my work and I know when a record shows up so quickly, that soldier has something to say. Interestingly, Paul was temporarily buried in Hamm (now Luxembourg) Cemetery with my cousin James Privoznik. James still sleeps there. I returned to Starbucks a couple days later to see what Ron had on his uncle and talk about the IDPF. I explained I was not going so deep into Luxembourg this trip so would not see the Sauer River Crossing sites.

Luxembourg James Flag (77)

Fast forward a couple of days and I emailed Tom Scholtes to confirm our meeting with Doug Mitchell on 16 October at the CEBA Museum. Tom responded and said I had two options of WWII sites to see that day, which we then moved to 15 October. One was a German Panzer route and the other, are you ready for this????? The Sauer River Crossing sites of 7 February 1945! I think the entire Chicago area heard me scream with joy when I read that email.

Tom had no idea Paul Gurgone had been hanging out in my house. Of course I chose the Sauer River Crossing sites. Ron couldn’t believeit when I told him! I may have been bouncing all over Starbucks when I did. Knowing Paul’s IDPF said he was KIA near Junglinster, I looked at the map to see where it was. Very close to Luxembourg Cemetery. I asked Tom if we could stop there so I could visit my cousin James’ grave again and talk to the Superintendent. He said yes.

My first visit to Luxembourg Cemetery was 1 May 2015, a very rainy, cloudy, sad day. I brought James’ burial flag with me and we flew it over the cemetery. My dad and I folded it when it was lowered. That day was important for me because James had been with me three years helping me with his story which I published in my book Stories of the Lost and my research and career. He also made sure I met certain people on that trip who had a huge impact on my life on several levels. The idea of visiting James again was exciting. I had healed a lot of things in myself since my first visit.

15 October 2015 – first half of the day

The morning arrived and I drove through the fog and slight gloom to Ettelbruck, Luxembourg along country roads, to meet Tom and Doug. Our first stop was to be Luxembourg Cemetery. Tom and Doug are encyclopedia’s of WWII knowledge, so I heard a lot of history during the day. Doug is also a photographer and took many photos of our day, even capturing some intimate moments.

Scott Desjardins and Jennifer Holik at Luxembourg Cemetery. Photo by Doug Mitchell. Used with permission.
Scott Desjardins and I at Luxembourg Cemetery. Photo by Doug Mitchell. Used with permission.

When we arrived at the cemetery, we went into the office to talk to Scott Desjardins, the Superintendent. Scott knew I was coming and I was able to leave him a copy of my WWII research books Stories from the World War II Battlefield, Volumes 1 and 2.

Scott sanding James grave
Photo by Doug Mitchell. Used with permission.

Scott then took us outside to James’ grave and spread Omaha Beach sand on it so we could read and photograph it. Do you know, James made the sun appear as we began walking to his grave? The atmosphere of the cemetery was so different from my first visit on 1 May. There was no more sadness, just extreme happiness and joy. The soldiers were cheering because we had arrived to visit and the sun shone down upon James.

The four of us, me, Scott, Tom, and Doug, spent some time at James’ grave and then we each moved on to visit others in the cemetery. I had a spreadsheet of soldiers I had done some research on, that I wanted to visit at ABMC cemeteries in Europe this trip. I visited each of those on my list for Luxembourg Cemetery, photographed their graves, and then returned to James’ grave to have a talk. He and I talk all the time, but it is different when you are at the cemetery.

Talking to James. Photo by Doug Mitchell. Used with permission.
Talking to James. Photo by Doug Mitchell. Used with permission.

James and I talked and laughed, and shed only a tear or two, about our journey together the last three years, as the sun shined down upon us both. A journey which allowed me to walk along a career path no one else was, in the sense of what I was put on this earth to accomplish. A journey which took me into the light and dark sides of myself and the war. James, and the research I did for his story, put me in contact with many people in Europe and the U.S. who each played a role in the work I was doing. Some of those people I came to realize, had very old, past life ties to me and my soldiers.

There was a lot of healing to do on my part so I could move forward and continue the work I was doing, without it killing my soul. Three years of constant war research, particularly into the lives of those who were KIA, takes its toll. There are days I cry and scream at the universe asking why I was asked to do this job, write these heartbreaking stories, and tell them over and over to the public. And question, ‘Does it even help anyone?’ Then I calm down and know it does and continue on.

There are many in my life who think I’m crazy because I know when the soldiers are near. I know when the soldiers help me with my work. And I can hear and see them on some level. Visiting Europe brought them all out. And they have similar issues to us – consciously or subconsciously, we are all seeking acceptance, love, forgiveness, closure, healing, and a multitude of other things. When we work on our own issues, heal and let go, it helps everyone.

Each of us is on our own journey in this life and that’s ok. We do not have to believe what the other believes. I do feel strongly we should at least respect what the other believes and feels. And I know many who have researched their family history or their soldiers, understand what I’m talking about. They do connect with us. The question is, are we willing to listen and do what is required?

Stay tuned for more on this incredible day with Tom and Doug. We’ve only just begun!

Tom Scholtes, Jennifer Holik, and Doug Mitchell at the grave of James Privoznik.
Tom Scholtes, Jennifer Holik, and Doug Mitchell at the grave of James Privoznik.

© 2015 Jennifer Holik

Traveling in their Footsteps – Turning Points and Crossroads

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Before we get too far into my trip articles, I thought I should provide a little background. I’m sure there will be questions as to why I’m talking about spiritual things in my military work. A Turning Point arrived…….

I like writing prompts because they help me focus on different kinds of writing and bring things to my awareness that might come no other way. I found one online written by Charity Hume on Cultural Weekly that started with this. William Styron, an American novelist said,

“A novel is a progress toward an event, after which nothing will ever be the same again.” A turning point reverses the previous world, and gives you a whole new identity. It burns up your past in a conflagration of everything you’ve ever known. To go on, you must forget who you were. That’s a turning point. No way back.

A Turning Point in my life came late 2010 when I chose to end my marriage right after I started my business. It wasn’t until mid-2012 I was able to move out and start a new life. Another Turning Point.

Maastricht church candles (9)

Since that time, many Turning Points have been presented. Difficult and painful choices were made. Life has gone up and down, as it usually does. People came and went, including family. I also began walking a path of spirituality to help me deal with all that had happened in my marriage and life. Organized religion wasn’t doing it for me. I began listening more to my intuition and reading about all those beings (angels, masters, relatives, guides, etc.) who exist to help us on our soul’s journey. I read about the meaning of dreams, reincarnation, and past lives. As I shifted, dealt with some of my baggage, forgave myself and others of things, and let go, my awareness grew as did my soul. There was less fear about living. My heart began to feel lighter, and slowly, more open.

Then, two souls appeared soon after I moved out that helped move me forward, love me unconditionally, and brought others into the picture to help shape my life and especially my career. These souls were my great grandfather Joseph Kokoska and my cousin James Privoznik.

If you’ve heard my talk “Finishing the Story” or read my book “Stories of the Lost” you might know a little about Joseph but more about his brother Michael who was killed in WWI. James was killed in WWII and still sleeps in Luxembourg Cemetery. I talk about him all the time on my blog, in my books, and social media.

Joseph seems to have been with me a long time but I was more aware of his presence after I moved out. James showed up late summer 2012, after four people contacted me about him over a weekend. I had not researched his service beyond getting his Individual Deceased Personnel File (IDPF.) Many people in the genealogy world say, if a person or document appears – pay attention! Four people in a few days – yes I was paying attention. I started his research but never expected to write his story or cross Europe in his footsteps in April-May 2015. Nor did I expect to visit him again on my October 2015 trip. James’ research pushed me into the world of World War II soldier research in ways I never expected.

Now, back to the point…..A turning point reverses the previous world, and gives you a whole new identity. It burns up your past in a conflagration of everything you’ve ever known. To go on, you must forget who you were. That’s a turning point. No way back.

The same can be said for World War II research. We have a starting point which could be a story, a soldier, a photograph, an artifact, or an event. When we choose to take the journey of that research, we travel a bumpy, twisty, often obstacle ridden road. Along that road we meet many people who enrich our experience and help us continue to move forward. We gather clues as we travel and uncover secrets buried deep in the recesses of the past. Exploring these secrets and revealing them, can cause a turning point for many.

Magical forest near Arnhem.
Magical forest near Arnhem.

The journey we take as we research our soldier can take us to unexpected places where we have to confront our own issues, insecurities, fears, wishes and dreams. We can travel literally and figuratively across oceans and continents, across farm fields, rolling hills, and through magical forests, as we uncover the story and reveal the truth and lessons which exist.

Traveling across a continent can open new doors to experiences, people, places, and things. It can also dredge up the past and things hidden, of which we may not have been aware. It can bring pain, fear, and love to the surface. Pain and fear we may not understand. Love which leaves us confused. The journey across land can take us deep within ourselves.

Each person we meet along our journey can impact us in big and small ways. For me, the most important people are those that stand with us at a crossroads. Crossroads lead to Turning Points.

Zaltbommel (65)
Which road to take?

On my first trip to Europe, I stood at a crossroads in a sacred place full of love, strength, fear, bloodshed, and power. A crossroads where two hearts in this life, joined after they had been separated many times in the past. In that moment they joined the past with the present. The fear with love. Desire with hope. The impossible with the possible. Laughter, harmony, peace, joy, and love all mingled together at those crossroads. In that moment it was time to make a choice – return to the past or live in the present. Heal the pain and create a new future, or remain stuck standing between two worlds across time and space. All of this was orchestrated by someone long gone but never forgotten. Someone who knew both their hearts. Someone who knew how to heal her as she had healed him. There was still much to be done and this was only the first step.

At that crossroads no wrong step could be taken. Each path led to greater love, hope, peace, and healing for her and many others. Her heart and soul knew this man standing before her was a key to unlocking something dark and hidden deep inside her, even if her head did not yet know. A connection made. Confusion reigned as sparks flew in bright colors around them. A heart that understood how deeply she felt and appreciated that about her. A heart who had and would take care of her through good and bad. A heart that brought her home to a land where she could make a difference in her life and others.

The journey they took together was not easy and they parted at another crossroads because it is what their souls had agreed. Some people greet us for part of our travels, while others stay. Those who stay often have different roles along the route. They provide laughter, a release. Love, acceptance, support, strength. They bring a challenge or darkness to be fought with love and forgiveness. They teach and provide clues for us to piece together the vast puzzle of our soul’s journey.

Past and present merge....
Past and present merge….

Those Turning Points and the crossroads at which I stood earlier this year, led to the journey I would take in October to Europe, alone. That trip was destined to be taken without anyone but myself. Was it scary at first? Yes. Did I have things to prove to myself? Absolutely. And, there were new people to meet, experiences to be had, challenges to be overcome, forgiveness to be given, love shared, lessons learned, things to release, and inspiration spread. As it turns out on this trip, there were new crossroads in which past and present merged. Crossroads which led to new Turning Points.

Zaltbommel (54)

Over the past three years, I realize I was put on this earth to do several things. Two main things are to be a war storyteller and healer, with no holds barred. I hope the posts about my trip bring something to your awareness. Make you question things you’ve held close. Release what no longer serves you. Opens your heart and soul. And maybe most importantly, encourages you to write your stories and those of your family.

These posts are only the beginning of what I’m offering the world through my work. Stay tuned………

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© 2015 WWII Research & Writing Center