We have all heard the terms epigenetics, generational trauma, inherited trauma, and family patterns, but do we really understand what those terms or phrases mean in our actual life and family? I suspect most of us do not.
I’ve observed over the years, working with clients, that the trauma that impacted a veteran tends to trickle down. When a veteran returns from war and is having issues readjusting, processing what he did or witnessed, and the overall experience he endured, it shows up in many ways. Alcohol or drug abuse, emotional withdrawal, abandonment of family, suicide, financial issues, anger, psychological issues which sometimes required hospitalization, and many other ways.
What I sometimes see is the children of a veteran who has any of these issues as a result of his or her experience may repeat what they grew up seeing, hearing, and living. We learn from our surroundings and the people who care for us. They model what it is to be an adult and how to handle stress, joy, and other situations. Not everything modeled to us comes from a healthy space.
For example, I’ve had many people tell me their WWII grandpa abandoned the family at a certain point. Of course this created abandonment issues for the children and wife. Once the children are grown, one of them may abandon the family in times of stress. The abandonment wound repeats and grows. Then it is up to the next generation to identify this pattern and choose whether or not to discover where it came from or continue the abandonment.
Sometimes we get to grandchildren who only know their father left the family and have no idea, until they do the research, that the pattern goes back farther. Sometimes more than two generations.
We are never taught about the impacts of trauma on the family or generations – whether it is due to war, natural disaster, immigration, loss and grief, health issues, politics, or any other way someone can be traumatized. Yet, we live out our ancestors’ unprocessed trauma every day in unconscious ways.
Identifying the Patterns
There are many ways we can identify the patterns, and they all begin with research and reflection. Then we progress to using tools like the Genogram, Timelines, my circle of influence, mind maps, and other tools that allow us to see our family, self, and research from different perspectives.
Personally, I have always been intuitive and able to see patterns and cycles. As a young girl I could see the destructive behaviors and patterns in the family. Particularly in my maternal line. I vowed as a child to end those cycles. Then as an adult, it was 2019 that I got the biggest shock while doing a Genogram, that I was living out my WWII grandparents’ trauma. That is when I started the deep dives into myself and family history to see where else I was unconsciously living things and carrying weight that wasn’t mine to carry.
But, as the family healer, this is my job – to identify, research, feel, heal, and release. Then choose something new and healthier. This has not been a rainbows, kittens, and unicorn process. It requires honesty and the willingness to look at our “ugly” parts and forgive ourselves and others. It requires us to be open to change – of beliefs, thoughts, relationships, jobs, and more. It may also require us to seek professional help in the form of a mental health therapist, energy worker, ancestral healing coach, or someone else who would be appropriate for your specific needs.
I can say, the deep work is worth it and change does happen. For you and those around you. You will witness small changes with others in your family because YOU chose to do this healing work. Are you ready to step into this?
My Invitation to You
My invitation to you today is to sit quietly and look at your life and that of your family. Where can you quickly jot down some patterns you observe through the generations? Which of those have you been living – consciously or unconsciously? What will your next step be in identifying family beliefs, behaviors, and patterns that need to end with you?
Are you ready to explore your veteran’s history and perhaps your own?
There are many ways I can help. I offer research and writing assistance; group coaching; private coaching; and a variety of other programs. For a free consult to discuss your genealogy or military project email jennifer@ancestralsouls.com to get started. To explore all current program and coaching offers plus recorded webinars that address family patterns and healing, visit my online course website, The Ancestral Souls Wisdom School. As always, there is more than 10 years worth of military research help at the WWII Research and Writing Center.
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